Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your cock deserves a montage
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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