God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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