I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
