We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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