i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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