Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I want is dick and wine.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
