I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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