no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
