she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
