Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How naked do you want me to be?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
