I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
