he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
