he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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