just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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