You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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