oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
