the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
