He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
