Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
