Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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