no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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