Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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