I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
