Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
