I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
