Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have demons in me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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