u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize