YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
