There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
