Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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