we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
