Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
