i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
