Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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