Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
