He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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