I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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