WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Even my vagina gasped.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
