shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
