OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
