I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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