I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
