Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just had sex bonerless
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
