So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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