I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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