I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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