Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
