I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
