i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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