enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
