If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize