You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
