I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize