I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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