so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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