i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just pee around me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
