I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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