yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Never underestimate the power of titties
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