Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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