I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
