Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
