My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
