So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
