she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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