wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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