I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
