this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
