O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
