Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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