It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
