oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
