Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
