I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
