He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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