No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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