so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the day after is always just damage control
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
