i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
