But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
